You’ve already had sex. You’re at her apartment. You don’t want to be there anymore. Now what? A lot of women want a man to stay the night, even if it’s just a hookup. “A booty call still has rules,” is the way that they look at it. If you want to circumvent these rules, there’s nothing to stop you from getting up and walking out. But if you want to preserve your chance with these women, the better way is to use one of these surefire excuses.
1. Chronic Snoring
Chronic snoring is hard for anyone to deal with. Thankfully, it’s also easy to fake. As soon as you’re done with all the cuddling you want to do, lie on your back and open your mouth. Tilt your head back, relax your throat, and start the snuffling. If you’re not sure how to do it, practice at home. It’s easier to do if you do snore naturally, but with a little practice anyone can do it. A few minutes of heavy snoring should be enough to get her to feel like you can’t get out of there fast enough. Then “wake up” and ask if she heard anything. You’ve been told that you snore, and you’d hate to wreck her sleep. She’ll be grateful to have you out the door that night, and every night after that.
2. The Insomnia Card
Tell her that you often have difficulty falling asleep, and then don’t fall asleep. To keep yourself active, feel free to be annoying and loud. Fix yourself a snack out of her leftovers. Watch the TV loudly because you “can’t hear very well sometimes”. Keep getting up and walking around. Get in and out of bed, especially, and then finally ask if you’re bothering her. You’re sorry, you’re full of restless energy, and you’re just going to take it somewhere else for tonight. But sorry! Sorry, and thanks. This will also get you a get out of jail free card with this woman any time you hook up with her again. “Hey, remember my insomnia?”
3. Sudden Stomach Cramps
This is the most effective and most embarrassing of the three. This is best pulled with a woman whose feelings you don’t want to hurt, but you also don’t really care if she ever calls you again. After sex, go into the bathroom to clean yourself up, and then just stay in there for a really long time. When you do finally come out (after spraying a lot of stuff or lighting a match or a candle) tell her that you’re really sorry, but you feel really… bad. Act as if you have a stomach problem. You’ve gone through one round, and this is really the sort of thing that you’d feel more comfortable weathering at home. You’re going to make a break for it and hope you can last all the way home. Then hurriedly get dressed. Apologize and look awkward the whole time. This is supposed to be extremely embarrassing. Then promise to call and hurry on down to your car.
Use these three tips when you’ve already had sex and you want to spend the rest of the night in your own bed. Each has its perks, and each can set you free.