“Just one night and she is already being clingy”

Sometimes, it’s just too much effort to think up a new plan to keep a woman away from you after you’ve hooked up. Thankfully there’s a simple, two phase plan that will have any sensible woman packed up and running for the hills. And, we should mention, it doesn’t involve pretending you’re Hannibal Lecter.

Phase One: The Morning After

To lay the ground rules for this plan, you have to be really sweet the morning after. Make her breakfast (even though it’s a pain in the ass.) Even a bowl of cereal in bed works. Talk to her, compliment her. If you’ve had a wild night out with this woman, she’s not expecting you to be all sweet about it the next day. This throws her off balance and will at first make her think that she’s made a great choice in bringing you home.

“Be sweet and make her breakfast the morning after”

Talk about seeing her again. If you didn’t get her number the night before, get it now and tell her that you’ll call her. Appear devoted to her. Honestly, appear too devoted to her. Go over the top with this; make your promises for dates-to-be outrageous. Before long you’ll be making her uncomfortable, but she doesn’t want to say that she had no long term interest in you because then she’d look like a slut. So you’ll make plans, and that’ll be that. You’ll leave with her number and promises that you two will get back together soon, but you know that she probably doesn’t mean it. If she does, it’s only because you’ve so charmed her with your attentions the morning after.

Phase Two: Too Much Contact

Use her number. Call her, text her. Constantly. If possible, try to call her multiple times while she’s at work or school and cannot answer the phone. Leave her voice messages. Then, once she’s missed a couple calls and/or spent a few hours without answering your text messages, you start asking her what’s wrong. Ask her why she’s mad at you. You just really like her and you want to get to know her better, but she keeps shutting you out. Ramp up your emotions throughout this. Get crazy attached. If you have enough time before she gets off work, do something really dramatic like “cry” on her answering machine. It’s not going to look pretty, but it’s going to send the fear of commitment right deep down into her heart.

After a display like that, any woman in her right mind will end things with you. She’ll get out of it glad that she dodged that bullet and yet oddly flattered. She’ll think that she turned your head that much. You’ll know that you’ve avoided weeks or months of awkward chats and proposed dates and hookups that you didn’t want. Everyone leaves happy. This is the brilliance of the plan; it gives her the perfect story and it saves you time. A couple hours of calling or texting beats months of online chatting and awkward Facebook requests.