“Don’t get caught in such a situation”

Sometimes when it’s late at night, you’ve just got to call your friend with benefits and get it on. It’s all right, it happens to all of us. We get so worked up that we just don’t think clearly. How is that? Well, you’ve given her a ring and she’s rushing over, but have you looked in your sink lately? It’s filthy in there. Let’s not even mention the garbage trying to burst out of its can in the kitchen and the bathroom. Have no fear; there are five easy ways that you can clean up fast while she’s on her way.

Gather Up Those Clothes

If there are clothes all over your house, then gather them all together and put them in one place. It doesn’t matter where really, but if you can hide them away in a closet or something. The solution only has to be temporary.

Now About Those Dishes

“Clean them quickly before she arrives”

Even besides the ones rotting away in the sink, there are probably others spread throughout the house. The same method applies to them. You need to grab them all, drain your sink, and either start washing like a fiend (only if all other housework is done) or put them all in the dishwasher. No dishwasher? That’s all right, any cupboard will do. Preferably pick one that’s out of the way and out of sight. It’s going to be gross if she goes to grab a glass after your passionate lovemaking and instead gets a handful of mold.

The Garbage Man

All of those random papers and wrappers need to get gone. Grab a garbage bag and get to packing. Most of the time, this doesn’t actually take very long to clean up. You should have time to take it out to the actual trash bin too. If you can’t, then just stash it into a different closet from the one your clothes are in. Make sure that all of your garbage is out of the bedroom. This is where your rampaging sex acts are going to take place, and you want to make sure that no one gets a McWrapper in their butt crack.

Clean That Dirty Bathroom

Seriously, actually clean it. Ladies hate dirty bathrooms. Put everything where it needs to go (the medicine cabinet, the magazine rack, etc.), and wipe down the surfaces. Doing just that much will drastically improve the look of the entire room. Check out your toilet. Any pubes or shit stains have to go, because that’s just gross. Clean it anyway, but especially because she’ll be seeing it. Chicks need to pee right after sex, so there’s really no way around it. Just try and make sure that you don’t get toilet water all over you, and make sure there’s some toilet paper around for her to wipe with.

Light Some Candles

Lighting a candle that’s scented like clean linen or rain will automatically give your place a clean feel. Science proved it along the way somewhere. When the nose smells something clean, it tells the eyes that it’s cleaner too. Tricky, but effective.